Lamentation to Winter. Ode to Summer.

Get thee hence, foul snow!!

Give me sunshine, warmth, and a picnic before I go mad.

I have grown tired of the coats, mittens, and scarves, and long for that once familiar piece of clothing which brings true happiness - - - the swim suit.

Come to me sweet Summer.

Make Haste.

How I long to shake the sand from my children's underpants.

How I wish to partake of the free summer lunch program offered only in our semi-socialist city of NYC.

How I desire a meandering walk with my children at the slightly stinky South beach boardwalk.

How long have I suffered this bitter cold.

I shall sorrow no more.

No.

I shall only hope for the quick return of the Beauty of the Seasons.

Fair Summer.

Pictured Above: My humble chariot surrounded by snow.

A Mess Worth Saluting

Wyatt bequeathed a strange and wonderful gift on us last night.

As I walked to the top of the stairs to watch Lost with Noah, I said to him, "What is that wonderful, fruity smell???"

To which Noah replied, "I don't know, but it does smell good."

Fast forward to 40 minutes later during a commercial break.

After realizing what the smell could be, I rushed upstairs in a frenzy but found myself pleasantly surprised.

I would like to take a moment to point out Wyatt's proficiency in mess making.

Not only was the smell of the shampoo so blissful to the sniffer (which made cleanup enjoyable), it was a very well-crafted mess (if you could even call it that).

To compound the greatness, was the ease and stealth in which he committed his act. We never heard a sound. So, we were able to relax and not have to holler, "Hey, get back in bed." No, he let us dawdle along in our contentedness. That's professionalism.

A large portion of the goo was directly in the toilet, with only a smidge of it actually on the seat. How thoughtful!! Let's be honest, if anywhere on your body needs a refreshing smell, the hiney-fanny just might be it. We did wipe this up though because you don't want any slide-age on the throne. Not good. (look closely for the thin pink layering)

The best part was that most of the stuff was IN THE BATHTUB!!!! What a gentleman! All I had to do was turn on the shower head to rinse away the mess.

There wasn't even a drop of it on the floor.

He was stealthy, thorough, and thoughtful.

And that is why I commend you and salute you as Most Respectable Mess Maker of January 19th.

Thank you, Wyatt. Thank you.

Laugh At . . .

This.

For Jaime

Valentine's Gift Idea

I know those of you who are on the ball are already thinking of what to get those hubbies. I saw a great idea on this cool blog. You should check it out. I gave one to Noah about 6 years ago. It is a Man Pit.

Here's how you make it. Just designate an area of about 6 feet by 2 feet to him. That's it! No scissors, no glue, no glitter, no paper, no sewing. You might want to put a sign out since this is a gift. You know, something catchy like, "You are amazing! Have This!" or "Isn't this what you've always wanted?"

Then you just let him fill it up with whatever he wants. Noah likes to keep his extra clothes, crossword puzzles, and pens in his Man Pit. It is the one area where I don't clean. If he wants to he can, but he never has to. I even help him decorate his Pit by adding items of his that I find throughout the house.

Now run along and make a Man Pit. He'll love you for it.

BINGO, GNO, and PALS

Gotta talk about a couple of things left over from Tennessee. First and foremost, BINGO. As mentioned, those Crazy Cruzes love BINGO. We are going on our 8th year of this being a family tradition. To sum it up: We play Bingo on Christmas Eve. We tuck all of those ga-zillion pesky kiddos in bed and party it up. With prizes.

In years past these prizes have been donated my Mom and Dad and have included, but are not limited to: jumper cables, lint removers, kitchen gadgets, money, gift cards, candy, knives, etc., etc. You know, just the stuff your heart has been longing for all of your lives. In recent years, there have been a few grand prizes including various versions of ipods. Needless to say, it gets serious right after the jumper cables and candy are won, but when the lint remover is still in play.

However, once my Dad, the Official Bingo Ball Selector, announces, "This Round is the Grand Prize," many things occur: everyone grabs a couple of cards each to up their odds, sweat starts pouring, brows begin furrowing, and silent prayers get muttered. Here are few candids from this years BINGO game. And no, I didn't win the grand prize. Rachel and Terry cleaned house with a nano and and itouch.

I'm a caught here in what looks to be mid-sassy comment. I'm sure it was one of the usual BINGO jokes. You know: B4, before what? I 25, Dad you're not twenty five. You wish. (feel free to fill in your own version now)

Awwwww SNAP! Yeah, I won this necklace. Jealous much? You probably wish you had it, along with the neck freckles.

Secondly, GNO. The stars aligned for me in a couple of ways: lots of gratuitous babysitting and a meeting of long time girlfriends. These are ladies I hadn't seen in a quite awhile, and it was so much fun. It's true that everything and nothing changes. We were all the same, but totally different. It was interesting to me how easy it was to slip right into conversation, like we just saw each other yesterday. Thanks for the lunch gals! Let's do it again. We'll all go to the city and eat sushi. Okay, we can eat something else. I'm not committed to sushi. Italian? You pick. Let's just get together again.

And lastly, PALS. Seriously folks, with a building like this do I really have to convince you that they have amazing greasy food? The hot dog, hamburger, and fries are ginormous!!! It's the kind of food that will send you right to the treadmill. It's worth every step and more. I have had quite the love affair with this drive-thru. Many, many hard earned Chick-Fil-A dollars spent here.

I have a confession: I rarely get to eat here. It is in Kingsport, and I almost never down there, but I was already in town for our GNO lunch. I was ALREADY FULL from this said lunch when I drove by PALS, I actually flipped a U-TURN and stopped by for a burger and shake. Despite being full already, I was groaning in ultimate satisfaction.

Let's go there sometime. We'll sit in the car and tell jokes while we eat frenchie fries and chipped ham and cheeses. Then you'll probably say something like this, "Katie, er, I mean 'yo mama,' that was so good I could kiss you." To which I would respond, "No, I'm not comfortable with that." Unless it was Noah, and I would say, "Yeah baby. Just a sec, let me finish this bite of chipped ham and cheese though. And make it quick 'cause these fries are gonna get cold." Kidding. I would never rush through a Noah kiss . . . . but, I do get to go there so seldom . . . . no, no, I wouldn't rush through it.

Potato Head Superlatives

It's graduation time at our School for Potato Heads. They have learned much and are ready to go out into the world and build up their community. But we cannot forget their many talents and gifts, which Calvin and I feel must be shared with the blogging world.

Ms. Skeezy VonSnap
Most Likely to Win a Beauty Contest

Simply, Radiantly Stunning. Breathtaking. Her Face is so symmetrically beautiful.

Mr. Charlie Kookin

Most Likely to say, "Ahh Cha Cha Cha-Cha"

Ms. Gretchen Forbodden

Most Likely To Purchase Rogaine and Shortly Thereafter Take A Nap

Ms. Petunia Peabody

Most Likely to Plant a Garden, Cross-Stitch a Picture of the White House, and Drink Her Tea With Her Left Pinky Raised (Considering that she only has her left pinky. We're sorry for your loss, Petunia.)

Mr. Gershwin Kookin, brother to Mr. Charlie Kookin
Most Likely Be a Spokesman for Teeth-Whitening If He Would Just Hack Off That Crazy 'Stache

Group Photo

Class of 2009, Winter Semester

**Thanks for the props, Mimaw Caffy. We had a delightful morning potato-ing.

It Happened Again.

Perhaps you remember this incident. You know, the renegade nostril in the group photo? It quickly turned into my worst picture ever. Here's a reminder in case you forgot.

Go ahead. Laugh. I am. Also, doesn't it kind of look like in this picture that I have one long, stiff grey hair? Weird because I don't. Unless it just made a special appearance for this particular picture. Which if it did, I wouldn't be surprised. It would just be my luck that a crazy nostril and strong-will grey hair would unite at an inopportune time.

But anyhoo. I have some more news. . . .

The nostril struck again!

This time it was at a Panera with Mom, Rachel, and Mandy.

I've got to get this orifice under control. Until said time, I will be looking for my lone grey hair so that I may brush and groom it.

November Was All About Breaking Rules

Perusing through the November picture file led me to conclude that we Shafers threw caution to the wind and lived our lives to the fullest.

The boys jumped on the bed.

And in their Undies! {GASP}

Mommy was busted with blue fingernails.

The Christmas Tree was up by the second week of November.
I wore my dressiest scarf on laundry day for no good reason.
Wyatt watched TV as a burrito.

And Calvin licked his finger the entire time he made gingerbread men.

You might want to steer clear of the Shafers. We are bad news.

Farewell

We had a good run.

You and I.


And because we were always honest with each other, I feel like I can say this to you.


This is your fault.


I wore you faithfully. Nearly everyday. Even if I had to lay on the bed, suck in, and then zip.


It's a shame that it had to end this way, with a ginormous rip on the rump.


I've learned my lesson. I'll never again do a full, knee bend squat with a pair of jeans that are threadbare in the seat.


But you should have held on. Or at least given me a warning.


I'm sad.


I'll miss you Sevens.


You were my first pair of expensive jeans bought for me by a sister-in-law from a mutual friend's clothing sale for $20.


We had a good run.


Farewell.

So Proud

I'm so proud of Calvin because now he is hanging up his own clothes instead of throwing them on the ground. I'm so glad that he knows to hang up his "dress" clothes. We would hate for nice clothing to get all wrinkled!! Take, for instance, this pair of Elmo underwear. It is too fancy to be shoved in a drawer. No, no. It is hanger-worthy.

I Wouldn't Be Able To Sleep Tonight

If I didn't share this video with you.

Movie Review: Twilight

This date night ended up in a split. The guys met their destiny in a Quantum of Solace, while the ladies were seduced by Twilight (no, to answer your question, it was not ironic that we couples split to see a movie about love). It was a nice compromise, don't you think? The only bad thing was that the guys were finished before the girls and snuck into the last 15 minutes of the movie. The secret was out: to an outsider, vampire love seems kinda dumb. HUH? I did not just say that. Oh yeah, I went there.I guess the question isn't so much, "How much do you love Twilight?" BUT "How much cheese do you like on your cracker?" Oh baby, I like me some cheese. This movie was the perfect blend of cheesy/fulfilling. From Jacob's luxurious wig to Edward's brooding eyes, I was in. I knew it would be good when I sat down with milk duds in my right hand and a fountain coke in my left. Although I'm not a card carrying member of the facebook group "I-have-unrealistic-expectations-of-men-because-I-read-Twilight," I have to admit that I am a sucka for the age old dilemma of impossible love between a vampire and a human.

All of you men out there who read my blog, of which I am sure there are a ga-zillion, go home and send your wife to the movie with her girlfriends. It was too hard to control my laughs at the bad acting . . . and sighs at the young love. If your husband doesn't read this blog you should probably just send me some money, and I'll pick you up a pirated copy in Chinatown. I'm offering free shipping this week only.

Don't they just look so tormented, yet "in love" in this pic? I mean, seriously, what would you do if you were in their situation? It's not like you can just walk away from that kind of love. And why would you? See, teenage mortals and vampires can fall in love. It just goes to show that you can work through anything. Divorce would never happen if people just looked to Edward and Bella's example.

Now, I'm headed back to my own personal dreamland. Where real love blossoms between a woman and her dirty dishes. Where unrequited love for ones laundry is omnipresent. Where passion takes on the form of yes, you guessed it, baking. Yes, you ladies know what I mean. I'm speaking of the undying love for housework. Oh, and of course your hunka-hunka burning love. That just goes without saying.

Lookie Lookie! Someone Got Their Craft On.

Because Noah loves to put up the Christmas Tree early, and because I love him, we have our tree up already......as of Tuesday. I'm not complaining. It's fun. We're hip. We're starting a trend.

Since the boys destroy almost anything that hangs on the tree, last year I didn't even hang ornaments. This year - - - I improvised. I'm just gonna own it: I am not crafty. My crafty genes are unrecognizable. My medium is food. If I can bake it, cook it, eat it, or count the calories of it, then I might have a chance at creation. But I found these cool ornaments on design sponge, and thought, "Seriously, yo' mamma (that's my witty blog alias), you can do this! You can work a pair of scissors and a stapler." Take a gander. Become inspired. Then copy me. You don't even have to give me credit. Tell everyone you thought of it on your own. Take a peak.

Do you like it?

How About Now From a Super Cool Angle?

Or Would You Prefer To Admire It in a Group?

Perhaps a Close Up Grouping?

Or is Extreme Close Up More of Your Thing?

How About Black and White? That's Always a Winner, yeah?

I tried to cover all visual blogging preferences. So, I hope I convinced you to make construction paper ornaments. Run along now. I've got to go to bed.

Delightful Brunch Recipe & ScoobyDoo in a Rorschach Test?

Noah's Mom is collecting recipes for a family cookbook due out on Christmas. I forgot to put in one of our favorite brunch recipes. It's so tasty. Serve it to your guests, and you will become a rock star in the kitchen. Anyway, Noah was kind enough to type out the recipe and email it to his Mom. You should take it and make it.

Sausage Brunch Casserole

fry up one package of sausage (any kind) mix in 8 oz of cream cheese. lay unrolled crescent rolls in one layer across a greased glass pan. put sausage and cream cheese mixture on top. tell the sausage that you love it but are unhappy with its life choices. cover with another single layer of crescent rolls. follow the cooking instructions for the crescent rolls or cook until the rolls are golden brown.

Ahh...it's stuff like that that reminds me why I married that guy.

AND

Is it just me or does this paint blob on the wall of my basement look like Scooby-Doo (his back is turned and he is looking over his shoulder)?

Weird.

That Guy

How about that guy? At the Halloween Festival we caught sight of him over by the cotton candy machine. I guess wind isn't the greatest friend to our Where's Waldo Cotton Candy Twirler. I'm lucky to have such an observant husband in Noah. I was too busy trying to catch the cotton candy that was flying though the air with my mouth rather than snap a picture of him. But on a more serious note: Wouldn't that be an awesome job?

No Paparazzi! & One Bad Angle

2 Quick Things Before I Hit the Sack

1.

I laugh that as I was taking a ga-zillion pictures of Calvin at the pumpkin patch, he drew the line at this shot and erupted with, "Don't take my picture anymore, Mommy!" He acted like we were on Sunset Blvd. in L.A. I'm not 'entertainment tonight.' I'm your mother. Now smile.

2.

I have to update my "worst picture ever" choice. It's this baby down here. I can't pass this off as bad angle only. I must confess it's a mixture of laughing too hard, bad angle, and an unusually large, renegade nostril. I only wish that I could have had a booger up in there. That would have made it humiliating.

Need A Good Laugh?

Have a few on me. Noah likes to take pictures of me when I am not expecting it. This began a few weeks into dating and has continued until today. We get a kick out of the awkward facial expressions and body postures.

Here was the first surprise shot. I was caught typing a seemingly very serious research paper.

This beauty is our favorite. It's been over six years since I was surprised just as I walked in and shut the door. I've accepted that there were more problems than just the angle.

Some shots are taken when I'm sleeping . . . wearing noise prevention headphones. Come on. If you have kids you know how precious an uninterrupted nap is. My favorite part is that it could be mistaken for me singing in a recording booth. If I weren't lying down . . . or asleep . . . or if I could sing.
Sometimes we're not quite sure what I was doing. It looks like I might be seriously contemplating the heel of my shoe.
Busted picking up a toy.

"Huh? Oh me. I'm just watching an episode of 'Lost' online."

I turned the tables and got a shot of him trapped in the bunk beds he assembled.

Last shot of him with a surprised, sideways smile. Too cute.

Cat Pool

Yesterday in the car Calvin told my Mom that he likes to swim. After a little discussion he told her that we went to a "Cat Pool" this summer. Confused, I asked him what that meant and he said, "You know, the kiddie pool."

I have to wonder if he was disappointed every time we went to the pool and he didn't see a single cat swimming there. It also led me to question what he imagines when we drive in the carpool lane, read about the tortoise and the hare, or play the piano by ear.

One of our favorite books about homophones is "A Chocolate Moose For Dinner," by Fred Gwynne. We highly reccomend you pick it up at the library. Just make sure you return it on time. We know from experience that those fines really add up. Like, make payments add up. Don't judge me because I don't return things on time. Afterall, that is my only flaw.

By the way, I'm sure that you've figured out that you can't click on that picture. Sorry, it was the only one I could scrounge up.