Reporting On My To Do List

Things To Do Today:

1. Take the boys to a Valentine's Day party. Check.

2. Unintentionally do all of the work at the Valentine's Day Party (i.e. decorate their "mailboxes", fill out their valentines to the other kids, and deliver their valentine's in the other kids' "mailboxes"). Check. (that one was a toughie. I got a hand cramp and misspelled at least two names!)

3. Be selfish and make Wyatt take a nap instead of take him to the park so that I could have some "Mommy Time." Check.

4. Feed my kids oatmeal for two out of three meals. Check.

5. Daydream about a vacation in Europe. Check.

6. Stub my big toe falling up the stairs. Yes, I wrote up the stairs. Check.

7. Giggle when I find that Calvin and Wyatt have taken every blanket they can find in the house and put them all in a corner in their bedroom and invited me to take a nap on it with them. Check.

8. Wish that I were eating chips and salsa all day long. Check.

9. Challenge myself to run a little harder on the treadmill today. Check.

10. Check in on the boys, pull the covers up to their chins, brush their hair aside, and give them a kiss on the cheek while they are sleeping. To do, but to be done........right. . . . . about. . . .now.

A Nightmare

You know that you play and watch Thomas the Tank Engine too much . . . . .

when your husband hears you saying this in your sleep, "I can't leave Sodor." (for all of you lucky ones who don't know the mania of Thomas, you might want to note that he lives on Sodor, the imaginary train island.)

Or when you search for Thomas parodies on youtube.

Or when you have a competition with your husband to see who can write down the most trains in 5 minutes.

Or when you actually feel a little bit of sadness when you see that the paint on Spencer's tender has chipped.

Or when you start to call you kids by the wrong names. And not each others. You call them train names. By accident.

Or when you look forward to playing trains after they do their chores

2 Important Topics

1. How Well Do You Know 'Yo Mama?

Can you guess which of these greasy diner dishes is mine? How about Noah's? If you know Nathan and Joelle, you can guess them as well.

A. The Nachos

B. The Flounder Sandwich

C. The Meatloaf Sandwich
D. The French Toast

When you come and visit me, remind me to take you to Edison Diner, just over the bridge in Jersey. You will eat, and then cry, and then eat some more, and then try and give me a large sum of money for introducing you to the best diner on the 1 & 9. I'll refuse, even though it's tempting, because this just what I do. I am a giver.

Also, look at this piece of banana cream pie. Uh-huh, you know this baby was good. And aren't the little hearts on the side just lovely. I love you, pie. I really, really do.

2. Luxury Items

For whatever reason I have these items that feel very splurgey to buy. In reality they aren't, but for some reason when it's time to shop for them, I feel guilty buying them and usually only buy a small quantity if I buy them at all. Do you ever do that? Here are few of my "luxury" items that are just tooooooooo fancy to buy:


1. Batteries. You don't even have to say anything, but they just feel so spendy, especially the AAAs. You will never find an extra battery at my house. They are all currently engaged and run down.
2. Fabric Softener. I don't know. Really, when has soft, static-free clothing really been only for Donald Trump and Angelina?
3. Hair Rubberbands. When I go to buy a big pack of them, I can't help but think, "Do you REALLY NEED a ponytail?"
4. Any kind of deodorant with the word "platinum" in the title.
5. Any hygiene product that is not Suave or Equate.
6. Straws. I am almost over this one. I find that they feel spendy (at $ .99 a pack), but worth it because my kids will drink more milk with them.
7. iTunes. Maybe this is because it really is fancy. You don't get much more fancy than apple projects.
8. Beach toys (buckets, shovels, sifters, etc.) Maybe because it's seasonal? I think I could feel better if I knew my kids could potentially play with them longer than 3 months.
9. Poptarts. Can anyone argue that these are not the height of primo living?
10. Oven mitts. And really, this one is crazy. You have to have them when you are cooking. There's no way of getting around taking a casserole out of the oven if you don't have them. But still, I only own two, and every time I go to the store to get some more, they usually end up on the checkout aisle pile of 'changed my mind' items.

Messages from My Kitchen

Things I have learned from my kitchen:

1. I do not need to buy any more frozen bell pepper strips. I went to make a veggie for dinner and found nothing except for three packages of those things. It's like I live in fear of never knowing when I will have to make a ginormous emergency batch of fajitas or breakfast burritos. Seriously, Yo' Mama, let it go. Start on another vegetable. Broccoli never gets enough lovin'.

2. A quote hanging on my fridge: "[When things are stressful, remember that] the joy of motherhood comes in moments." I knew that already. I must confess that I knew already that child rearing isn't one continuous blissful moment, but rather an gathering of wonderful experiences. In fact, I learned that early on when I realized that a newborn was running my life and he and I had different plans. He just wanted to eat and poop, and I just wanted to sleep. We have since met in the middle and are enjoying a nice treaty in which he (and his brother) gets a lot of what he (and his brother) wants, and I just try and impart profound wisdom and guidance as needed.

3. You should always clean up a mess when it's wet. It doesn't matter what it is, always remember, it is much easier to clean up wet than dry. Trust me, I know. It's true for juice, milk, water, oatmeal, barf, and even blood.

4. The best way to cheer anyone up is to offer them their favorite cookie. The best way to cheer up your kids is to let them help. The best way to cheer me up is to buy me a store made cookie cake with lots of frosting on it. You could never disappoint me if you brought me a cookie cake. Even if you were there to tell me that my house was on fire, I would embrace you with open arms.

5. Don't let V-8 fool you. Even though you are getting a full 2 servings of vegetables in each glass, it is still gross.

6. Good Food + Good Friends and Family = Heaven On Earth

7. If you husband is making a strange concoction of eggs, peas, and cheese, don't take the can of peas that he just barely opened and throw them out before he adds them to his dish when he has his back turned because you are mindlessly cleaning anything you can get your hands on. They hate that.

Revealed to Me in New York City

Yes, Noah and I went to the city with some of our good friends tonight, and I learned a few things:

1. They call it "bitter cold" not because the wind is bitter, but because you feel so bitter after you have been out in it.

2. When I get really cold my nose makes TONS of snot. And what am I going to do about it? With those big gloves on I can't really take a swipe at it. And honestly that's gross. What do you do with no tissue and a runny nose and big, fat man gloves on? I just did this fake fix thing where I leaned my head way back, like maybe the snot would just migrate back up. No Dice. It just ran down a little. And I pretended that it didn't. And then I sniffled a lot. Yeah, yeah, gross. I know, but I wasn't about to take those gloves off for anything.

3. I married a gentleman. Even after trying to convince me to take a hat and gloves, he still took his off and gave them to me as he froze. Then he gave me the real cherry on top with the sweet looks and laughter at my recycled jokes. He even took a picture for me of the strange man/woman sitting beside me on the subway who had crafted his/her own jewelry out of paper money. {sigh} He melts me. I think i want to do something special for him for Valentine's Day. I'm thinking maybe even a second Man Pit. It's sort of like a vacation home. His second man pit might be somewhere such as under the couch. You catch my drift.

4. New York Burger Company does make a good burger. Try the thousand island on it. You won't regret it. Seriously. I don't even like Thousand Island. To be honest I don't even know what Thousand Island is supposed to mean or even imply. A thousand delicious islands? A thousand years on an island? Thousands of islands? I don't know, but it sure was tasty.

30

5 months and I'm toast. I'll be kissing my beloved 20's good-bye. In honor of 3 su-weet decades, I'm checking off items on my "30 Things To Do Before I Turn 30." I'll post a few for you because I'm sure you will be waiting with fevered hearts to see just what I MUST do before I become a REAL adult.

Cu-check. Read Othello. One of the few Shakespearean tragedies I had never read. Much like I expected: miscommunication and treachery leading to turmoil, heartbreak, and death of innocent and guilty alike. That Billy Shakespeare is quite talented. He was working me overtime. I admit I had to sit next to the dictionary and fill my margins with notes as I read. And yes, one of my notes says, "He talks a good talk, but he's full of it." That Iago is a punk. A real piece of work.

Back In Action

Did you miss us Shafers? We were on the road visiting the fam in Tennessee, and now we're back. Accents and all. A few highlights from our trip:

• starting our trip with a new battery and alternator courtesy of the Sri Lankin mechanics on the corner. Nothing says excitement like a big, fat repair bill.
• spending the night in a motel and hearing a tired Calvin say as he awoke in a strange place, "Mom, is this where we live now?"
• playing B-I-N-G-O with those Cruzes. Those silly, bingo lovin' Cruzes. Thanks for the memories. and the battery powered lantern, cute necklace, and chance at an ipod. LONG LIVE THE IPOD!
• Going out to lunch with friends, relatives, husband, and kids. A lot. The pants don't lie, and they're telling me that I ate out. A lot.
• hearing a dear old friend remind me that I once got mad at her for copying my mixed tape. I actually said, "You can't just copy someone else's mixed tape." Ahhhhhh, the unknown rules of adolescent friendships so easily broken. Thank goodness we managed to mend the relationship and move forward.
• making cream puffs with my Mom. I love you, Mom. I love you, i love you, i love you.
• listening to Wyatt cry and wail, "Rico is my BEST FRIEND!!!!" as we drove away to New York. Mind you, Rico is a small, brown wiener dog that he had met only five minutes previous. But what can I say? One canine best friend is worth a million mediocre, human ones. Needless to say Noah and I were laughing silent, parent giggles while solemnly trying to comfort him with, "It's okay. I know you love Rico. You'll see him again."
• Continental Breakfast.
• all of the warm weather days that afforded us the time to play croquet, shoot baskets, throw the football, visit the tire swing, jump on the trampoline, and ride bikes.
• a 2ND Thanksgiving Dinner. A real Thanksgiving Dinner, made for the second time. Jealous?
• one visit to Chuck E. Cheeses when the adult to child ratio was 6:2. Noah and I were in hog heaven, eating cheapie pizza and letting aunts, uncles, and grandparents help the boys spend the tokens.
• and last but not least - - - every single moment.

This is a boring post, so don't worry about reading it. I'm just rambling.

Like I said, I'm just rambling, airing the day's dirty laundry. And as is typical, I must employ the list:

1. I can't decorate to save my life. I mean that in every sense of the word. I can't decorate a living room, bedroom, Barbie house, kitchen, myself, cookie, cake, party, shoebox, garbage bag. You name it, I can't spruce it up. I'm just telling you this so that you know that I know. When you come over to eat a cupcake and see how many items I have spray painted black, just think back to this post.

2. For dinner tonight I ate cream of wheat and tootsie rolls. Then I fed my poor kids potato chips, oatmeal, kit kats, and milk. Noah had banana pudding.

3. I was in a bad mood today.

4. Noah and I tried to teach the boys about the Nativity the other night, but had to cut it short after they started fighting over the baby Jesus. I was touched that they both wanted to hold him, but confused that it ended in pushing. I had envisioned a much more serene lesson. With singing. And reverence. Not pushing. Or squabbling.

5. I felt great pride today when Calvin told me that his tooth hurt and I justifiably responded, "Go tell Daddy," and I knew he could take care of something that I couldn't.

6. I "borrowed" Calvin's Lightening McQueen bubble bath tonight. Like half the bottle. And I'm not sorry. Not even a little bit.

7. I don't have a favorite number or color. If I'm pressed, I'll tell you that my favorite color is blue, but it really isn't.

Good Night.

Treadmill Musings, Part II

1. Why is Sponge-Bob such a controversial cartoon? Either parents love it or hate it. We love it.
2. Is it too much to have Italian for two dinner two nights in a row?
3. I think it's funny that those black pants Deana gave me in college were my favorite, and I never thought I would find another pair like them EVER again. Yet here I stand, in another pair of perfect black workout pants. The world is such a funny place.
4. Yesterday when Calvin saw the dog hanging out of the car window and said, "Hey puppy, barf at us!" meaning, "bark at us!" may have been the funniest moment of the day.
5. Is that Wyatt I hear?

2 1/2 minute pause in thought to lip synch Wide Open Spaces by the Dixie Chicks.

6. I used to like the way that one Dixie chick did her hair back in 1999. You know, the crazy braids and hair sticking out everywhere. But I think if anyone did that now and asked me what I thought about it, I would totally in my mind say, "Seriously, go brush your hair." On the outside I might just squint my eyes and nod like I thought it was reasonable, and say, "I like your hair better down." I wonder if that is a diplomatic enough way of saying I don't like it.
7. I hate the laundry.
8. I would love to each a ham and brie sandwhich, followed by a slice of pumpkin pie.
9. How does the cocoamotion make such a delightful cup of cocoa? It has to be the frothing and whipping. What is frothing? Note to self: look up frothing.
10. I hope Calvin is having a good day at preschool.

Just So You Know

I don't Believe in:
1. Subarus. I know that I could be wrong about these automobiles, but I'm just not that into them and consequently, would never recommend them to a friend.
2. Santa. Sorry. Don't let older kids read this. But I'm 29. Secrets Out.
3. Painting my fingernails. Toenails - yes. I always feel like my fingers look strange with polish on them.
4. Adhering strictly to a recipe. It's too much of a commitment. I'm already married. I don't need much more commitment.
5. Teasing someone so that it hurts their feelings. I always feel bad if I ever make someone else feel bad. I love to tease, but if I can tell that it might hurt someones feeling, I just try and use the joke on myself.
6. Bangs. Seriously, I tried it, but my face was not that into it. I couldn't quit trying to get them off my forehead, and isn't that the point anyway? To let them touch your face?

I Do Believe:
1. You should help your kids believe in Santa until they are just too clever to hide it from them. That's how you keep the magic.
2. Fabric softener can change the quality of your life, especially if you have fine,static, prone hair.
3. Some people just have a gift for knowing what clothes to wear and how to look fashionable.
4. Birthday cake should be it's own delightful food group.
5. Minty gum can give your child's diaper a minty smell. Ewwwwww! But true.
6. Men like long hair.
7. Going to bed early takes mucho discipline.
8. Good friends are hard to find. You should always be grateful to have them.

Treadmill Musings

1. I wish that I could eat all of the Halloween candy sitting upstairs with no bodily repercussions.
2. Wouldn't it be cool if I knew 311 and could ask them to sing at a surprise birthday party for Noah. I would win wife of the year.
3. I wish that girl humor and boy humor were the same and that I could conquer them both with a razor sharp wit.
4. I'm waiting for the day when someone rings my doorbell and says, "We're so glad that we finally found you because we want you to be in a music video with totally sweet dance moves. You're the only one that has suppa rad moves like we need." To which I would respond, "I would love to. Just give me a sec to call my friend and see if she can watch my kids for a couple of hours." Then I would look out the door and see the limo and also say, "Do you think my carseats will fit in the limo?" And they would say, "Yes, it's a limo." Months later after the video debuted I would get accolades for being the most chill stay at home Mom, who only has to work one day a year, but makes tons of money from dancing. Enough money to pay for Noah's schooling and have some extra cash to get Cinnabons for the kids.
5. I really want a magic wand that I could get to cast a spell on my laundry and have it done while I read a good book.
6. I'm so glad that I am not waitress. That is a tough job.
7. I wish that I loved Target more than Wal-Mart because I know Target is cooler, but Wal-Mart always gets me with their bargain pricing.
8. What am I going to make for dinner?
9. Why does three miles on a treadmill feel so much further than three miles outside.
10. I wonder what Noah is doing right now.
11. Why is it that it looks so much cooler to drink bottled water than tap water? Seriously. But it does.
12. I wish that I didn't feel guilty when I sleep in or take a nap.
13. It's too bad that Micheal's Jackson's life and career took a nose dive because he had some awesome music back in the day.

Tiny, But Miracles Nonetheless

1. W-D 40 takes crayon off of walls....and wood floors. . . . and kitchen tables . . . and kitchen counters.

2. Playdough kept Calvin occupied for my entire 30 minute workout video.

3. Wyatt didn't get out of bed when I put him down for a nap.

4. I had a good hair day.

5. I finished the laundry with time to spare.

One Good Thing

When I was growing up our family had a tradition of saying "one good thing" that happened to them before we went to bed. That tradition has hung around with me, and I try to coax my kids and hubby into confessing their one good thing everyday as well. Here are a few of my "one good things" for today.

• Calvin and Wyatt laughed and played together much of the day. I love the sound of their laughs.
• I ate cake just 10 minutes before dinner.
• I had a good hair day.
• The Doctor told me that I was a good Mom.
• They celebrated Calvin's birthday at preschool today with ice cream sandwiches, a birthday hat, and a song. He was over the moon when he got in the car to go home.
• Noah came home early.
• Wyatt is feeling better.

Confessional Wednesdays

In college, Jaime, Steph, and I used to play "confession." We confessed things that weren't necessarily good or bad, but that we hadn't thought to tell anyone or wouldn't tell because it might be embarrassing. I'm going to list a few of my confessions, and I invite anyone who is interested to put yours in the comments. Juiciest confession gets bragging rights.

Today's confessions:

1. I secretly like it when I have been cleaning with bleach water and my hands smell like bleach. I like to smell the tips of my fingers when I am done washing dishes with a sink full of soapy, bleachy, water.

2. I once tried to acquire a mannerism just like Jennifer Aniston. I started running just my index finger through my hair to get it out of my eyes. It all came to an end when Noah asked, "Why do you keep doing that weird thing with your hand?" Busted. I had to get my own mannerism after that.

3. At 13 years old I won second place in a county-wide pantomime competition. Although there were just two of us mimes competing I felt that my "late for school" routine was very strong.

4. In seventh grade I failed in the role of Big Sis. I convinced my sister Rachel to give her "boyfriend" a used Valentine's Day gift of: my old Beatles's Abbey Road album that was so used the writing was indecipherable, and a half-eaten jar of tootsie rolls. He broke up with her the next day.

5. I secretly wish the french braid would make a comeback. That was a sweet hairdo.

Your turn. Seriously, nothing serious. I'm not a priest, bishop, or religious equivalent of one receiving real confessions. I am simply a nosey, stay-at-home Mom, blogger looking for a good laugh. Friends, Romans, Countrymen, Steph and Jaime, I expect full participation.