He's 5

Dear Calvin,

It is the quintessential picture of motherhood: driving to Stop and Shop to pick up a birthday cake with my Birthday boy in the backseat, listening to the 12 o'clock Beatles block and hearing them sing,

"there were bells on a hill, but I never heard them ringing, no I never heard them at all, 'till there was you."

And crying.

Big, juicy tears rolling down my cheeks from underneath my Target (try-to-look-fancy-overly-big) sunglasses.

Looking over out the window and seeing my reflection in the glass of the building across the street.

And thinking . . .

How did I get SO LUCKY?

How did I get you?

I always think of how You Gave Me the best birthday present on YOUR very first birthday.

You gave me the role of Mommy.

Thank you for the day that you were born. For the sweetest cry that I had ever heard. Thank you for laying in the hospital bed beside me. Just us. Thank you for looking at me with those black, chocolaty eyes, and saying with them, "We know each other, and I love you." I didn't know until that moment that my heart had been ALMOST full. You see, it was close, but not quite there yet.

Thank you for forgiving me as I was anxious and uncertain about how to do anything that mothers do. Thank you for being content to have my attention and affection. You have always been so easy to please: just give you love.

Thank you for:

• twirling my hair with your index finger
• giving Wyatt one of your birthday presents so that he wouldn't be sad
• trying to scare me when I make dinner
• using creative words in your vocabulary
• telling me, "Your Mom is a nice woman, but she doesn't buy good chocolate milk."
• whispering in my ear every morning that you love me
• Being passionate about whatever you are interested in
• Asking me questions that I am not even sure I know the answer to
• Forgiving me for my motherly foibles
• Delighting in anything about monkeys
• Letting me hold you still even though your arms are so lanky and your legs tumble over my lap
• Smiling at me so that I can see your dimples
• Reminding me that Heavenly Father is near us when we are near children
• Swimming with enough trepidation that it allows me to swoop in and "save" you from time to time (mommies like to know they are needed)
• For wanting macaroni and cheese for your birthday dinner

Happy Birthday!! Happy Birthday!!!