Confessions From A Guilty Mama

1. We have a gumball machine, which my kids always want a piece from. I make them take the first piece that they get and also recite, "You get what you get, and you don't throw a fit." Even when they are howling because they got a yellow instead of a green, I make them take it because, seriously, the drama would go on all day!! BUT when they are out of sight, I secretly unscrew the top of the machine and pull out my favorite color, purple. I do it everyday.


2. I sometimes get sooooooooo BORED playing with the kids. They always assign me the gimpiest train, nerdiest super hero, or geekiest cartoon character. A woman's ego can only take so much. I mean, really, I used to be cool. . . . . . . or was I ? ? ? ?

3. I use food to bribe them with, and it isn't healthy stuff.

4. We were out of clean underwear earlier this week (due to omnipresent morning sickness, a virus, and a little case of the lazies), so I had Calvin pull a pair of dirty undies out of the basket until some clean ones were ready (and let's be honest, it wasn't going to be that day). The sad part was that after a moment I realized they were the underwear that Wyatt had been wearing when he had an accident. It did not smell good. No, No, No. Luckily it was just #1, but still.

5. I lied and told Calvin that you can't buy instant oatmeal anywhere at any store anymore because the smell of apples and cinnamon was making me so nauseous. The worst part is that that is his favorite meal of all time. I'm going to have to figure out a way to fix this one.

6. If it weren't for that sweet little Latina, Dora, I don't know that I would ever get dinner made.

7. If it weren't for that cheeky little engine, Thomas, I don't know that I would ever get a shower.

8. If it weren't for that smarty pants, Super Why, I don't know that I would ever get a moment of "mommy time."

9. On Easter Sunday, while Noah was giving a talk at church, and I was manning the boys solo at the pew, anarchy broke out. At one point, I had Wyatt's ankle as he was teetering on his belly on top of the pew in front of us, preventing him from making the great escape and simultaneously had a foot (yes, literally my high-heeled shoe foot) on Calvin's back making sure that he did not crawl away under the pew. Some of you might read that and say, "What's the confession?" Here it is: I honestly at that moment thought to myself, "What did I do to deserve this? I'm a good person. I try hard. Am I doomed to be that Mom? You know, The Mom of The Rowdy Boy Family?" And then I said a silent, desperate prayer, begging (yet again) for a girl. And hoping if we have one that she would be more Strawberry Shortcake than G.I. Joe/Jane.

10. I should be cleaning my house now because it is D-I-R-T-Y, but I'm going right upstairs to read a book. And I don't even give a care because it's been a tough week.