Gobble Gobble

An exercise in post-modern poetry writing by Yo Mama, dedicated to The In-Laws in an effort to verbalize and memorialize a killer weekend.

Thanksgiving.
One visit stretching Wednesday through Sunday.
Exciting. Each Moment a mix between vacation and easy street.

Emily.
I would sit up until 2 a.m. with you any morning.
Searching. To understand just what our vampire powers would be.
At least we can be sure that yours would be that of a skilled fabric stapler.
You have a gift.

Use it wisely.

If you liked it, you should have put a ring on it.
One hour in a laundry basket.
Laughing at Beyonce and Justin Timberlake. (Click Here if you want in on our joke.)

Mimaw.
The boys are still crying at the mention of your name.
You did too many dishes and brought too many gifts.

Pipaw.
Wyatt never sat so still during any treatment as when he sat on your lap.
So still.
What skill to tame the youngster's asthma.

Nathan and Joelle.
The nomad sleepers.
Thanks for the bread.
Your choice of pancake was sublime.

Synopsis: A successful Thanksgiving with Boston Market Turkey, homemade sides, and P.I.E. We were blessed because no one left their underwear on the counter and everyone got at least one nap. Sometimes two.

So Proud

I'm so proud of Calvin because now he is hanging up his own clothes instead of throwing them on the ground. I'm so glad that he knows to hang up his "dress" clothes. We would hate for nice clothing to get all wrinkled!! Take, for instance, this pair of Elmo underwear. It is too fancy to be shoved in a drawer. No, no. It is hanger-worthy.

I Wouldn't Be Able To Sleep Tonight

If I didn't share this video with you.

Treadmill Musings, Part II

1. Why is Sponge-Bob such a controversial cartoon? Either parents love it or hate it. We love it.
2. Is it too much to have Italian for two dinner two nights in a row?
3. I think it's funny that those black pants Deana gave me in college were my favorite, and I never thought I would find another pair like them EVER again. Yet here I stand, in another pair of perfect black workout pants. The world is such a funny place.
4. Yesterday when Calvin saw the dog hanging out of the car window and said, "Hey puppy, barf at us!" meaning, "bark at us!" may have been the funniest moment of the day.
5. Is that Wyatt I hear?

2 1/2 minute pause in thought to lip synch Wide Open Spaces by the Dixie Chicks.

6. I used to like the way that one Dixie chick did her hair back in 1999. You know, the crazy braids and hair sticking out everywhere. But I think if anyone did that now and asked me what I thought about it, I would totally in my mind say, "Seriously, go brush your hair." On the outside I might just squint my eyes and nod like I thought it was reasonable, and say, "I like your hair better down." I wonder if that is a diplomatic enough way of saying I don't like it.
7. I hate the laundry.
8. I would love to each a ham and brie sandwhich, followed by a slice of pumpkin pie.
9. How does the cocoamotion make such a delightful cup of cocoa? It has to be the frothing and whipping. What is frothing? Note to self: look up frothing.
10. I hope Calvin is having a good day at preschool.

I'm Taking Suggestions

What are you reading right now? No, not my blog. I mean, what's sitting on your nightstand?

I'm looking for a good read. Something that isn't j.ust02.3

That little type-o was Wyatt's contribution to this post. He's not happy that my attention is elsewhere.

What I meant was: something that isn't just okay. I'm looking for OH. SO. GOOD kinda good.

Anyhoo, give me some suggestions. It's been awhile since I've read a good book. Crazy. I know.

Movie Review: Twilight

This date night ended up in a split. The guys met their destiny in a Quantum of Solace, while the ladies were seduced by Twilight (no, to answer your question, it was not ironic that we couples split to see a movie about love). It was a nice compromise, don't you think? The only bad thing was that the guys were finished before the girls and snuck into the last 15 minutes of the movie. The secret was out: to an outsider, vampire love seems kinda dumb. HUH? I did not just say that. Oh yeah, I went there.I guess the question isn't so much, "How much do you love Twilight?" BUT "How much cheese do you like on your cracker?" Oh baby, I like me some cheese. This movie was the perfect blend of cheesy/fulfilling. From Jacob's luxurious wig to Edward's brooding eyes, I was in. I knew it would be good when I sat down with milk duds in my right hand and a fountain coke in my left. Although I'm not a card carrying member of the facebook group "I-have-unrealistic-expectations-of-men-because-I-read-Twilight," I have to admit that I am a sucka for the age old dilemma of impossible love between a vampire and a human.

All of you men out there who read my blog, of which I am sure there are a ga-zillion, go home and send your wife to the movie with her girlfriends. It was too hard to control my laughs at the bad acting . . . and sighs at the young love. If your husband doesn't read this blog you should probably just send me some money, and I'll pick you up a pirated copy in Chinatown. I'm offering free shipping this week only.

Don't they just look so tormented, yet "in love" in this pic? I mean, seriously, what would you do if you were in their situation? It's not like you can just walk away from that kind of love. And why would you? See, teenage mortals and vampires can fall in love. It just goes to show that you can work through anything. Divorce would never happen if people just looked to Edward and Bella's example.

Now, I'm headed back to my own personal dreamland. Where real love blossoms between a woman and her dirty dishes. Where unrequited love for ones laundry is omnipresent. Where passion takes on the form of yes, you guessed it, baking. Yes, you ladies know what I mean. I'm speaking of the undying love for housework. Oh, and of course your hunka-hunka burning love. That just goes without saying.

Go On. See If You Can Beat Me In Geography.

Let's just say that you have plenty of time. Maybe you are independently wealthy (as are most of my ga-zillion blog readers) and don't have responsibilities, or maybe you are hiding from your kids in the basement to get your legally promised 15 minute afternoon break (do you remember those? just one perk lost when you became your own mommy-boss), or maybe you are supposed to be going to bed but keep looking at the clock saying "why can't I just go to bed?!", or MAYBE you are just steady chilling before you head out to da club.

Anyhoo, if you've got a spare moment. Click this link and play the 50 states game. Seriously. Try and tie me. You can't beat me. I got 100%.

I double dog dare you.

Chicken?

Bock. Bock.

Just So You Know

I don't Believe in:
1. Subarus. I know that I could be wrong about these automobiles, but I'm just not that into them and consequently, would never recommend them to a friend.
2. Santa. Sorry. Don't let older kids read this. But I'm 29. Secrets Out.
3. Painting my fingernails. Toenails - yes. I always feel like my fingers look strange with polish on them.
4. Adhering strictly to a recipe. It's too much of a commitment. I'm already married. I don't need much more commitment.
5. Teasing someone so that it hurts their feelings. I always feel bad if I ever make someone else feel bad. I love to tease, but if I can tell that it might hurt someones feeling, I just try and use the joke on myself.
6. Bangs. Seriously, I tried it, but my face was not that into it. I couldn't quit trying to get them off my forehead, and isn't that the point anyway? To let them touch your face?

I Do Believe:
1. You should help your kids believe in Santa until they are just too clever to hide it from them. That's how you keep the magic.
2. Fabric softener can change the quality of your life, especially if you have fine,static, prone hair.
3. Some people just have a gift for knowing what clothes to wear and how to look fashionable.
4. Birthday cake should be it's own delightful food group.
5. Minty gum can give your child's diaper a minty smell. Ewwwwww! But true.
6. Men like long hair.
7. Going to bed early takes mucho discipline.
8. Good friends are hard to find. You should always be grateful to have them.

Lookie Lookie! Someone Got Their Craft On.

Because Noah loves to put up the Christmas Tree early, and because I love him, we have our tree up already......as of Tuesday. I'm not complaining. It's fun. We're hip. We're starting a trend.

Since the boys destroy almost anything that hangs on the tree, last year I didn't even hang ornaments. This year - - - I improvised. I'm just gonna own it: I am not crafty. My crafty genes are unrecognizable. My medium is food. If I can bake it, cook it, eat it, or count the calories of it, then I might have a chance at creation. But I found these cool ornaments on design sponge, and thought, "Seriously, yo' mamma (that's my witty blog alias), you can do this! You can work a pair of scissors and a stapler." Take a gander. Become inspired. Then copy me. You don't even have to give me credit. Tell everyone you thought of it on your own. Take a peak.

Do you like it?

How About Now From a Super Cool Angle?

Or Would You Prefer To Admire It in a Group?

Perhaps a Close Up Grouping?

Or is Extreme Close Up More of Your Thing?

How About Black and White? That's Always a Winner, yeah?

I tried to cover all visual blogging preferences. So, I hope I convinced you to make construction paper ornaments. Run along now. I've got to go to bed.

Things That Were On My Mind Today

My boys are growing up so fast.

Sometimes I wonder what the day will feel like when I am not their number 1 anymore, or when Calvin will start to not want to play with my hair anymore, or when Wyatt will be too busy to sit beside me and talk with me.

I can't help but feel like I am not appreciating these moments with them enough. I try to, but sometimes it's easy to get caught up in the normalcy of life. You know, "Clean your room," "Hurry up! Let's go," "Maybe Later," "I love you, too." "Go to bed! Again!"

Being the Mom is a little bit unfair. It's hard to tell them no when you really want to say, "Yes, you can have anything that I could ever possibly want to give you. And here, take my heart, too!" But instead you have to say no --- A LOT. I know. I know. It's for their own good. But you can't tell me that you haven't ever been tempted to just give them any and everything they could want. I'm glad, though, that 1. I'm not capable of giving them most material things (hardly any actually) and 2. that giving them character in the long run is more gratifying. I'm also glad, however, that I am capable of giving them my attention and affection.

Yesterday Calvin and I made cookies together while Wyatt was napping. I really thought that I could have died in that moment in complete bliss. His sweet little voice was singing and chatting with me. His cute little kid hands were so messy and licked all over. His gingerbread men were so funny with chocolate chips all skewampy all over them. I'm glad that my children are a part of me and a part of Noah. I love that they are my flesh and blood.

My Mom and Dad used to sing this old song called "Turn Around" about a little girl, who seemed to grow everytime her Dad turned around. Sometimes it would make my Dad cry, and I couldn't understand. I get it now, Dad.

I put it in the sidebar of my music, if you want to hear it. If you do listen to it, you may as well grab a box of kleenex because you might cry. The snotty-nosed kind of crying, maybe even some shoulder shaking and puffy eyes. P.S. Mom and Dad sang it better. Waaayyyyy better, but this copy will just have to do.

Delightful Brunch Recipe & ScoobyDoo in a Rorschach Test?

Noah's Mom is collecting recipes for a family cookbook due out on Christmas. I forgot to put in one of our favorite brunch recipes. It's so tasty. Serve it to your guests, and you will become a rock star in the kitchen. Anyway, Noah was kind enough to type out the recipe and email it to his Mom. You should take it and make it.

Sausage Brunch Casserole

fry up one package of sausage (any kind) mix in 8 oz of cream cheese. lay unrolled crescent rolls in one layer across a greased glass pan. put sausage and cream cheese mixture on top. tell the sausage that you love it but are unhappy with its life choices. cover with another single layer of crescent rolls. follow the cooking instructions for the crescent rolls or cook until the rolls are golden brown.

Ahh...it's stuff like that that reminds me why I married that guy.

AND

Is it just me or does this paint blob on the wall of my basement look like Scooby-Doo (his back is turned and he is looking over his shoulder)?

Weird.

The Shafers Visit Lady Liberty

I'll make this short. I know that you have lots of blogs to surf. I know how Monday morning brings the promise of weekend posting. So, no stories, just witty quips under pictures. Enjoy.

My three dudes on the ferry out to Ellis Island.
Same Boat. Attempt at a group photo. As you can see, I'm not even willing to put a sandwich down for a family photo. I love sandwiches.
The beautiful ceiling in the main building at Ellis Island.

Lady Liberty. She's so tall.

I heard she's a member of Oprah's book club. She's always reading something. I admire that in a statue.
You have to climb 156 stairs to get to the feet. I had only climbed three stairs and started to dread the remaining 153. I am so proud of Calvin. He climbed all 156 up and down without any help!! He loved it. Wyatt slept through the whole thing.
This is a picture of me removing toe jam from Lady Liberty's toes. This particular piece was giving me some trouble. I'm kidding. I would never call my child toe jam. Or would I?
More comedic genius at work as I train my son in the ways of humorous fake nose picking

This is what you get when you go to the Statue of Liberty on such a rainy day and wear your hood.
So cold. So wet. I think my exact words to Noah were, "Hurry and take a picture of this because I want to remember exactly how miserable this wet moment was." We don't look too miserable, huh? I have to say spending the day with those boys of mine is always pretty fun. Even if it's wet.

That Guy

How about that guy? At the Halloween Festival we caught sight of him over by the cotton candy machine. I guess wind isn't the greatest friend to our Where's Waldo Cotton Candy Twirler. I'm lucky to have such an observant husband in Noah. I was too busy trying to catch the cotton candy that was flying though the air with my mouth rather than snap a picture of him. But on a more serious note: Wouldn't that be an awesome job?

If THIS Doesn't Melt Your Heart . . .

It must be made of cold, cold steel. I went upstairs to go to bed the other night. I stopped in to check on Calvin and Wyatt and saw that Wyatt had crawled into Calvin's bed and snuggled up next to him. Seriously, you know that is adorable.

Treadmill Musings

1. I wish that I could eat all of the Halloween candy sitting upstairs with no bodily repercussions.
2. Wouldn't it be cool if I knew 311 and could ask them to sing at a surprise birthday party for Noah. I would win wife of the year.
3. I wish that girl humor and boy humor were the same and that I could conquer them both with a razor sharp wit.
4. I'm waiting for the day when someone rings my doorbell and says, "We're so glad that we finally found you because we want you to be in a music video with totally sweet dance moves. You're the only one that has suppa rad moves like we need." To which I would respond, "I would love to. Just give me a sec to call my friend and see if she can watch my kids for a couple of hours." Then I would look out the door and see the limo and also say, "Do you think my carseats will fit in the limo?" And they would say, "Yes, it's a limo." Months later after the video debuted I would get accolades for being the most chill stay at home Mom, who only has to work one day a year, but makes tons of money from dancing. Enough money to pay for Noah's schooling and have some extra cash to get Cinnabons for the kids.
5. I really want a magic wand that I could get to cast a spell on my laundry and have it done while I read a good book.
6. I'm so glad that I am not waitress. That is a tough job.
7. I wish that I loved Target more than Wal-Mart because I know Target is cooler, but Wal-Mart always gets me with their bargain pricing.
8. What am I going to make for dinner?
9. Why does three miles on a treadmill feel so much further than three miles outside.
10. I wonder what Noah is doing right now.
11. Why is it that it looks so much cooler to drink bottled water than tap water? Seriously. But it does.
12. I wish that I didn't feel guilty when I sleep in or take a nap.
13. It's too bad that Micheal's Jackson's life and career took a nose dive because he had some awesome music back in the day.

Happy Halloween!

Love,

The Twin Batmen

Happy Birthday Wyatt!!

What a guy, that Wyatt!! He turned 2 on Halloween. We had such a fun day. We woke up, he opened presents, and then as Calvin went to preschool Noah and I kidnapped Wyatt and took him to a free Halloween Festival. He had so much fun, and we loved being able to focus on him and savor his big day. After an evening of trick or treating we gathered at home with a few close friends for cupcakes and milk. I did an interpretation of the good ole' hostess cupcake, which was pretty tasty. Here are a few fun shots of the good times and a few things that we love about him:

1. He is always happy and spunky. It is rare that he is fussy and cranky, and when he is you know something is wrong.

2. He is very clever. He can always figure out how to get up into high places, where the candy is hidden, or how to get what he wants.

3. He loves his "puppy" a blankie he received from his great-grandparents when he was born. Just the other day I caught him giving puppy a drink from his sippy cuppy, while saying, "Thirsty puppy?"

4. As we were trick or treating and he was climbing some high stairs he had to walk by some flowers, and I overheard him say, "YUCK . . . flowers. I no like flowers." A true boy.

5. He loves to crawl up into Calvin's bed and lay beside of him.

6. He loves to give big, fat juicy lippers (kisses right on the lips).

7. He loves to be the center of attention.

8. He LOVES, LOVES, LOVES Cheese. Yeah baby.