Confessions From A Guilty Mama

1. We have a gumball machine, which my kids always want a piece from. I make them take the first piece that they get and also recite, "You get what you get, and you don't throw a fit." Even when they are howling because they got a yellow instead of a green, I make them take it because, seriously, the drama would go on all day!! BUT when they are out of sight, I secretly unscrew the top of the machine and pull out my favorite color, purple. I do it everyday.


2. I sometimes get sooooooooo BORED playing with the kids. They always assign me the gimpiest train, nerdiest super hero, or geekiest cartoon character. A woman's ego can only take so much. I mean, really, I used to be cool. . . . . . . or was I ? ? ? ?

3. I use food to bribe them with, and it isn't healthy stuff.

4. We were out of clean underwear earlier this week (due to omnipresent morning sickness, a virus, and a little case of the lazies), so I had Calvin pull a pair of dirty undies out of the basket until some clean ones were ready (and let's be honest, it wasn't going to be that day). The sad part was that after a moment I realized they were the underwear that Wyatt had been wearing when he had an accident. It did not smell good. No, No, No. Luckily it was just #1, but still.

5. I lied and told Calvin that you can't buy instant oatmeal anywhere at any store anymore because the smell of apples and cinnamon was making me so nauseous. The worst part is that that is his favorite meal of all time. I'm going to have to figure out a way to fix this one.

6. If it weren't for that sweet little Latina, Dora, I don't know that I would ever get dinner made.

7. If it weren't for that cheeky little engine, Thomas, I don't know that I would ever get a shower.

8. If it weren't for that smarty pants, Super Why, I don't know that I would ever get a moment of "mommy time."

9. On Easter Sunday, while Noah was giving a talk at church, and I was manning the boys solo at the pew, anarchy broke out. At one point, I had Wyatt's ankle as he was teetering on his belly on top of the pew in front of us, preventing him from making the great escape and simultaneously had a foot (yes, literally my high-heeled shoe foot) on Calvin's back making sure that he did not crawl away under the pew. Some of you might read that and say, "What's the confession?" Here it is: I honestly at that moment thought to myself, "What did I do to deserve this? I'm a good person. I try hard. Am I doomed to be that Mom? You know, The Mom of The Rowdy Boy Family?" And then I said a silent, desperate prayer, begging (yet again) for a girl. And hoping if we have one that she would be more Strawberry Shortcake than G.I. Joe/Jane.

10. I should be cleaning my house now because it is D-I-R-T-Y, but I'm going right upstairs to read a book. And I don't even give a care because it's been a tough week.

A Few Possible Explanations for This Weird Picture

1. I am about to send this egg into the world to do my evil bidding, and my smile is one of pure smugness. Pure smuggity smugness.

2. I'm trying to hold onto the egg with as little of my fingers as possible. In fact, only fingernails.

3. I am channeling all of my egg dying skills into the inside of the egg rather than the outside - - - something of a new Easter tradition. I guess?

4. Forget the egg. I'm just trying to smile as big as I can without showing any teeth. Teeth are for Valentine's Day smiles.

5. Or I'm about to go down for a nap. Those eyes are screaming, "Girl wants to dye this egg and get to bed!!"

Tune in soon for more pictures of all the Easter Egg dying drama. Oh mama!

So Comfy.

So, so comfy to sleep in the can opener position.

You don't know the can opener????

Didn't you swim at the big community pool in the summer? Yeah, the one with the sweet high dive.

Didn't you jump off the diving board and just hold up one knee and keep the other leg straight?

Yeah, it's called the can opener.

It also works for sleep. I know because I, too, utilize it when one leg just wants to do it's own thing at night.

Our buddy, Dell, is sick.

And Dr. Norton couldn't even fix him!!

You might want to go get the Kleenex and start wiping your eyes because I have some bad news:

Our computer has a virus, so the posts might be scanty for awhile.

I know, I know. What will you read???????

Here's a few suggestions:

Twilight,
The Reader's Digest,
The Guidepost,
People.com,
My Mom's blog,
Or National Geographic.

If those won't do, you could always start at the very beginning and reread my old posts. Classic never goes bad, right?

And the winners are . . . . . .

DRUM ROLL

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Teresa,
Jaime,
Natalie,
Sarah,
& Jeigh!!!

Oh, get excited! You are going to get some monstrosity of a surprise creation in the mail sometime this year!!!

Now run along and do a drawing for your blog!!

Lucky Ducky - - - - Maybe you!!

I finally won something on a blog!!!!! I won an awesome, adorable clipboard from my friend Rachel.

Do You Want to Win Something From Me??????

Here is How IT Works:

Comment on this post to be in a drawing and maybe win something made by me.

I get to choose what You get.

This offer does have some restrictions and limitations:
1- I make no guarantees that you will like what I make.
2- What I create will be just for you.
3- It'll be done this year.
4- You have no clue what it's going to be. It might be a five page essay on your good qualities, a random baked goody, a photo collage that I have of pictures of you, or maybe even A NEW CAR!!! (kidding, I'm not a smelter). Probably it will be a mixed tape. Or a custom drawing of your face (think Napoleon Dynamite). Who knows??? The sky is the limit.
5- I reserve the right to do something extremely strange.

The catch? Oh, the catch is that you must re-post this on your own blog and offer the same deal to 5 of your own lucky blog readers.

So, I will have a drawing to find out who is the winner. YOU MUST LEAVE A COMMENT BY TUESDAY AT MIDNIGHT IF YOU WANT IN.

Oh, and be sure to post a picture of what you win when you get it.

Now, let's just hope that I get at least five comments. That's a real challenge for a little ole' non-artsy blog like mine.

Photo Shafer, er, I mean Share, from March

Found this beauty on the camera. I don't even think that I need to put a witty caption with it. This is how I let the boys occupy their time while I was laying the hurt down on my ginormous pile of laundry. (see previous post)

{Shhhhhhhhh.......} don't tell mimaw kay we were jumping off of her couch.

Again with the goggles. They are a flattering look for him. In case you don't know, we are pumped for summer and biding our su-weet time until be can turn into pool rats again.